UPDATED “ROAD HOUSE” DOESN’T LACK ACTION BUT IT LACKS SOME THINGS THE ORIGINAL HAD

Remake. Reboot. Sequel. Prequel. Reimagining. These are the buzzwords that Hollywood uses when they put out a movie as part of a franchise. Rehashed. Overdone. Disrespectful. Lazy. And the most popular: why? Those are what potential viewers are likely to say. It’s never surprising when popular movies get sequels or branches off into different stories. Comic book movies and science fiction movies are the most common to see this happen to. Some movies are popular not because of their Oscar worthiness or high tech special effects, but because of their aura of being kitschy or being somewhat ridiculous. That’s what makes them good. The 1980s were full of them with the top of the list being the Patrick Swayze classic, “Road House”. The story of a bouncer that gets hired in a small town to clean up a bar that is full of bad employees and worse patrons. He eventually gets caught up in pushing back against the local rich guy that is trying to control the town and taking his cut from the local businesses. It sounds so dumb for a plot, but somehow it worked. Maybe because it knew what it was that it didn’t take itself so seriously that it portrayed itself as super serious. It was full of classic lines and moments that pop up in an “escapist” movie about tough guys being tough and the woman that fall for them. Basically, it was a modern take on a spaghetti western. It is an ultimate cult classic movie perched on the highest branches. So, why would anyone want to try to redo it? Amazon Prime decided that they should do just this. Why? Well, there’s the obvious reason: money. They get this by people hoping the that folks will pine for the nostalgic aspect of the name and want to see it.

The new “Road House” starring Jake Gyllenhaal as Dalton has a similar premise to the original. The owner of the bar called The Road House, Frankie played by Jessica Williams seeks out Dalton to come help clean up her bar. Instead of the Swayze Zen master this Dalton is a former UFC fighter that’s down on his luck. He’s super nice until he’s pushed and even then he’s still nice to a fault. You still have the rich bad guy Ben Brandt played by played by Billy Magnussen who isn’t skimming the locals but instead wants the property to build a huge resort and the Road House is in the way. That old storyline that was very prevalent in old westerns. Once Dalton starts slowing that process Connor McGregor is introduced as a psychotic thug to take him out. Will Dalton be able to survive while also winning the affections on Dr. Ellie played by Daniela Melchior?

Here’s what’s good ……. no wait. Here’s what’s “OK” with this movie. There is plenty of action with fights using special effects and CGI to take the punches landed up a notch. McGregor eats up almost every scene he’s in with an overacting flair that has you laughing at him more than being afraid of him. Gyllenhaal is a great actor and seeing him in this film was akin to people wondering why Swayze took the role in the 80s after saying he wanted to do more serious films. He’s good while most around him are not. The movie itself is an escapist film and is a movie where you can “shut your brain off” and just sit and enjoy it. Most likely it’s going to be a guy and his friends drinking beers and watching while laughing at a few things and shouting “OOOOOOHHHHH!” every once in a while during a fight scene. What’s wrong with this version? A lot. The original movie was schlocky and silly and hard to take seriously at times even when the action was great. This one isn’t as fun and doesn’t take a more serious tone. In fact, it’s less serious. One of the characters doesn’t even get a name until after two scenes even though they interact with Dalton in both. None of the characters are iconic or memorable in any way. In the original even the side characters had fun lines or played a part in the action. In this version they are basically punching bags and don’t offer much except for Moe that has a few comedic relief moments. There’s so much missing form the original even though their are several Easter Eggs throughout the film with one of the iconic lines repeated and The Double Deuce making a pseudo cameo. Dalton doesn’t really become a leader like he was in the original. He just sits there and then helps out a little at the bar instead of training other bouncers and one guy just suddenly becomes a bouncer after a short discussion. There’s no Sam Elliot as Wade Garrett. No Emmet. And no Brad Wesley who was the reason JC Penny was coming to town. The thing it misses the most is charm. As much as the original “Road House” was nowhere Oscar worthy it at least had charm, memorable characters, and some of best lines you could quote, “Pain don’t hurt” … “A polar bear fell on me” … “You’re too stupid to have a good time” … and “I thought you’d be bigger”. No one will be quoting this one decades later and holding it up as a cult classic that guys just have to watch. Furthermore, the ending was not just confusing but completely unsatisfying and without resolution. Put it on your list if you’re still curious, but it won’t replace the original or even live up to it. But as you should know … opinions vary.